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HALLOWEEN HORROR NIGHTS '07 - REFLECTIONS OF TERROR By Mike Hansen |
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| Let's begin: What do you get when you take a group of Haunt fans, fanatics, and monsters, and unleash them for three nights at Orlando's premiere haunted event? Well, you get a very tardy review, for one [Editor's Note: Tardy mostly due to TPA's naughty, naughty Editor]. But you also get a unique viewpoint: experienced, knowledgeable, perhaps a little jaded, and really hard to scare. Unless there are clowns, right Elly? Luckily, Universal Studios Florida's Halloween Horror Nights 2007 was hosted by Jack The Clown, an incredibly evil ringmaster, who brought along his entire Carnival of Carnage, including New Line stars Freddy, Jason, and Leatherface, to scare the living hell out of unsuspecting guests. The first things that impressed me as we walked up to the entrance were a couple of stilt-walking monsters with very elaborate costumes and make-up. One of them had a huge forehead appliance with large horns sticking out. They weren't too scary, but provided excellent atmosphere and immediately got us in a circus-y mood. There were also a truck and bus out front, all distressed and aged and packed with props to suggest that Jack had been traveling with this psycho-circus for a long time and was now at his final destination. As you entered the park, you had to walk under a huge suspended Ferris Wheel with Jack's face at the center. Nice. Unfortunately, immediately after walking through the gate, the theming was seriously diminished. Oh, they had creepy calliope music playing and interesting lights-with-gobos (those cool shadow-making-things), but, for the most part, the buildings, walkways, etc., were devoid of spooky decorations. On the weekend and/or busier nights, this event can get very very crowded, with maze waiting times of an hour or even two, so I highly recommend the front-of-the-line Express Pass if you're determined to experience everything in one evening. It's a little more expensive, but it cut most of our waiting times down to mere minutes. Forewarned is forearmed. The street monsters/performers are definitely not like the street monsters I'm familiar with. Most of the "scare-actors" on the street at HHN didn't have that in-your-face, scare-you-at-all-costs attitude that I've come to expect from, ahem, other haunted events. Maybe this is due to the enormous number of alcoholic beverages to be had on every corner of the park (as I've noted in previous articles, inebriated folk are hard to scare), maybe this is just a "better-safe-than-sorry" management decision to provide a different experience than the mazes - I don't know. It was just kind of a weird feeling to be at a "Halloween Horror Nights" event and feel that the streets were a very safe place to be. Not entirely safe, though. I was impressed with three things I encountered out on the streets. 1) The Chainsaw Brigade: four backwoods chainsaw-wielding butchers and their leader, a bullhorn-toting lackadaisical sheriff. These guys would hide around corners and behind benches, sneak up on people, then let loose with a rip-roaring chainsaw, chasing frightened guests all over. Their chainsaws had electric starters, so they didn't have to pull a ripcord to get 'em rolling. 2) Clowns On Bikes: These guys were astride huge motorcycles/choppers that had been detailed to look like carousel horses that have jumped the rod. The thing that I most loved, besides the look of them, was the fact that they appeared really dangerous; that is, they revved their incredibly loud engines right next to people and, as they were driving around (yes, on the crowded streets), they came very close to the guests. Kinda freaked me out. 3) That One Street Zone: It wasn't really on the map, and it wasn't populated by any monsters while we were there (but there were hiding places for them). This was a small area that was nicely detailed to look like the place where Jack had dropped off all his carnival props. There were two over-sized animated Jack-in-the-boxes, packing crates, banners, cages, barrels, and a small stage. Right near the Freak Show stage, there were also many cool hand-painted sideshow banners advertising some of the weirdly appropriate acts to be seen. I wish there had been more of all of these "street-mosphere" things in order to more fully immerse me in that year's theme. Everybody out on the streets was in strong make-up (no masks that I could see) and fabulous costumes. The bird-like "twin" girls I met there were amazing, and everybody stayed in character, all night. A special kudo to the character of Jack: his make-up was amazing, his attitude was disturbingly vicious (yes, that's a compliment), and he was "on" every second that I saw him, even as he was just waiting for people to buy photos with him. I was also very impressed with how so many of the "scare-actors" in the mazes looked so much like their actual movie counterparts. Also, the buildings housing most of these mazes were huge, many-stories-tall sound stages, so film clips could be shown on the sides to the guests waiting in line. A very nice touch that cleverly introduced the various themes of the mazes. Speaking of which… There were 8 mazes and four shows to enjoy and over the course of the final three nights of the event, I got to experience almost all of 'em. Shall we (and, because I'm a teacher, I will have to grade each one.)? THE MAZES: Jack's Funhouse - This was the only maze in 3-D/blacklights, and it was done really well. Lots of colorful things hanging from the ceiling to confuse and disorient you, and plenty of killer clowns to menace you. I think my favorite room had large playing cards suspended in mid-air (with clowns hiding behind them) that you had to maneuver around. One of the less-successful rooms was brilliantly decorated as if you had just stepped into the middle of a pinball game, but the only astronaut/monster in there just stood still and watched you. The exit was cool as the walls inflated and pushed against you. Grade: A - Vampyr - Why oh why can't anybody create a really scary vampire maze? In the first part of this maze, we wander through a nightclub where goth/emo vampires in varying states of undress stand and stare at you. We exit that building, walk through a back alley (where the one good scare, a vampire hopping the fence and pouncing out behind a wall, occurred) and then through another building of vampires and their victims (I honestly don't remember the second building much - it was that uninteresting). Grade: D - Dead Silence - Based on the recent horror movie, this was pretty much agreed by all in our party to be HHN's best maze. Starting in the graveyard, then wandering through a mortuary, old theater, and finally Mary Shaw's house, this had plenty of creepy dolls watching you (and moving as you walked by), and Mary Shaw herself popping out from behind curtains and windows. A Pepper's Ghost illusion with Mary was a great way to end this very successful maze. Grade: A + Psychoscareapy - This was very nearly my favorite maze of the event, but got slightly edged out by Dead Silence. On Christmas Eve a vanload of criminally insane inmates crashes into a house, slaughters the family inside, and then hangs out, waiting for you. The set design of this maze was amazing - I really felt like I was walking through someone's house, backyard, and garage. The inmates did some great acting, staying in character, and had a couple of hiding places that caught me off guard. Grade: A The Thing - As you wait in line to enter this military instillation, a searchlight sweeps back and forth over the walkway. Something has definitely gone wrong here - warning alarms, blood splatters, and an armed guard shooting at some unseen horror as he yells at you to keep moving and get away. Based on the John Carpenter movie, this had tentacled army guys and shape-shifting dogs popping out, along with very effective, jarring aliens noises. Grade: B Dreamwalkers - Some people are having trouble sleeping… and Freddy Krueger is there to make sure they get what they deserve. This starts off in a medical lab where you are encouraged to breathe in the vaporized sleeping aide yourself, and then through a very disorienting hallway full of sequencing strobe lights (with visible extension cords and power bars? Come on…). Highlights of this maze were a full-size replica of the house from the Nightmare movies, a bedroom that has been tilted on its axis by ninety degrees, and a lab room where all six covered bodies suddenly sit up at the same exact time, as Freddy screams, "Time to die!" Good job by the Freddys; very aggressive. Grade: B + Camp Blood - The look of this maze was incredible. The Jason scareactors, the sets, the music, the effects all looked and sounded exactly like many of the scenes from the Friday The 13th series. Unfortunately, it was also just like watching the Friday the 13th series. Hardly anybody jumped out at us, so our trips through the maze were more about watching and less about actually getting scared or startled. Pity (and the water-dumping-on-head bit at the end was a bit of a cheap shot, guys). Grade: C - Flesh Wounds - This maze was hit-or-miss depending on when we went through. Our first trip, there were hardly any Leatherfaces/chainsaws at the end (a fantastic set piece with a school bus and hanging laundry). Our other trips, there were a few. The maze itself is a trip through the Texas Chainsaw Massacre house, and, naturally, was the bloodiest of all the mazes. Good solid scares (and a special kudo to the old man behind the front door). B + THE SHOWS: Bill & Ted's Excellent Halloween Adventure - This is HHN's big show, where the two dudes from San Dimas encounter a whole year's worth of pop culture icons popping out of their phone booth. Sound familiar? Try as I might, I couldn't help but compare it to Knott's Halloween Haunt's Hanging. Similar attitude, similar jokes, more singing and dancing, less (zero, actually) blood and mayhem. I liked it more than I thought I would, but less than most of the very enthusiastic fans in the audience. Grade: B + The Rocky Horror Picture Show Tribute - I wasn't that interested in the show at first, but Elly suggested it, and I'm really glad I went. It was basically a stripped-down (heh) version of the movie, with fantastic costumes and singing, along with the obligatory audience participation lines. Very fun. Grade: A - Jack's Carnival of Carnage - Here's where all the blood and gore that was missing from Bill & Ted ended up. Jack The Clown entices "volunteers" up from the audience to participate in his games of chance. Some rather lame jokes come along with all the bloody bits. A fun diversion. Grade: B - Freakshow - Unfortunately, we didn't get to this show (although we did get to see The Enigma on a side stage). Overall, I really enjoyed the event, and I would definitely (schedule permitting) want to do this again. If I lived out in Florida, this would absolutely be an annual event for me (either attending it or even working it). As it is, with me out here in California, I probably won't be back for a while, but it's not for lack of wanting. |
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